How To Ninja, 101
by Nightly Halo
Summary: Random collection of drabbles based on the sometimes cracky/angsty/fluffy/mostly comedical adventures of the characters in Naruto. Contains Yaoi, boy x boy pairings, limes and maybe some lemons and the ramblings of a caffeinated teen! Random Updates!
1. Foolish Little Brother senses

**A/N:** _Hiya! Okay, so new story :D_

_I was reading Chicken Soup for the Ninja Soul, by __blizzie8836__ when I got the idea to start a series of drabbles of my own…I dub it…How to Ninja, 101. haha. Okay, so this first chapter I actually drew once in art class when I was bored…just a little doodle…haha_

_Enjoy, and review if you like it :D_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto…if I did it would be rated HF…for HOLY FUCK! :D_

_**Warning:** Yaoi, Slash, Boy x Boy pairings and innuendo's (in your endo) are in this story. Don't like it? Then stfu and don't read :D_

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_**How To Ninja, 101**_

___**"Foolish Little Brother" senses**_

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It was a wonderfully sunny and happy looking day in some random place in the woods. Ah, yes. The sun was shining, the birds chirping, even the flowers broke out in random dance and song…

Through the woods a shadowy figure walked. He exited slowly and walked on the path, seemingly in no hurry to get anywhere. The wind blew gently and ruffled his ash black hair, causing his bangs to sway in front of his unusual crimson eyes.

Uchiha Itachi.

Missing Nin of Konoha.

Akatsuki member, and elder brother of one Uchiha Sasuke.

Itachi stopped and swept the forest with his eyes.

"…"

_'My 'foolish little brother and his obvious to everyone but them lover' senses are tingling.'_ The elder male thought.

All of the sudden a loud screech of "Itachi!!one!!stfu!!" Could be heard before a black blob attached itself to Itachi's side and started chomping, (or in this case trying and failing miserably) on the older Uchiha's side.

Itachi looked down and glanced at his otouto's figure maniacally chewing on his side. Then, he glanced over to see a blonde haired boy, his brother's friend, Naruto. The young blonde stared at Itachi, then, bored, moved his glance to Sasuke.

Itachi stared.

Sasuke chomped.

Naruto struck a pose in the form of a challenge and pointed at Sasuke.

_'How does Kakashi-san deal with these two?' _Was the short thought that crossed the elder Uchiha's mind before a loud noise from the blonde interrupted him.

"FIGHT ME Sasuke!!" Naruto screamed.

'I'm good.'

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Somewhere in Konoha, Kakashi sneezed.

"Am I getting a cold?" The jounin thought as he was laying in bed next to his lover.

"Iruka, you need to keep me warm!"

"Huh?"

A perverted grin followed by a wail of pain could be heard coming from Iruka's apartment.

_--_

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_**A/N: **Haha, not as great as I could have written, but –shrugs- it works :D_


	2. Lemonade Is For Hot Days

**A/N: **Haha, I'm Baaaaaaaaccccck. And with a new chapter! This one is dedicated to the authour of _Storms_, **kazenoyouni**. I beta her story for her, and to commemorate her for getting into double digits, I've dedicated Chapter 2 of How to Ninja, 101 to her.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Naruto, the sexual tension wouldn't be so high and there'd be a lot more smutt. :3

**Warning:** Yaoi, Slash, Boy x Boy pairings and innuendo's (in your endo) are in this story. Don't like it? Then stfu and don't read.

**Warning to the Warning:** Contains Lemonade, (and I don't mean the delicious drink for summer time). :D

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**How To Ninja, 101**

**--**

'Lemonade Is For Hot Days.'

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It was a pleasantly sunny day in Konoha. Actually, it was unpleasantly pleasant. In fact, it was just-

"TOO FUCKING HOT!!" A blond shinobi clad in orange pants and a black tank top flopped on the ground, sweaty and tired. "Teme, I can't be sparring in this heat! It's too hot! There aren't even clouds in the sky!"

Somewhere on the other side of Konoha, a lazy jounin was heard muttering 'troublesome' at the lack of clouds.

"Dobe. You're a ninja. When you're in a life or death situation you can't just ask for a time-out when it's 'too hot', Usuratonkachi."

Regardless of his insult, the young Uchiha flopped down in the soft grass next to his teammate and sparring partner.

"Teme…it's too hot, otherwise I'd argue with you…" Naruto whined.

A minute of silence passed….then five…which turned into ten, until finally:

"Oi, teme. I'm thirsty."

An annoyed look crossed the males face as he was bugged out of his light nap.

"Then go back to the village and get something, Dobe."  
"It's too far away."

"Don't complain then, Usuratonkachi."

Another pause.

A light wind ruffeled both males, as the wind carried the scent of the river near by to their noeses. Suddenly, an idea struck the blond.

As he got up, Sasuke peeked open one eye, observing the idiotic grin that had crossed the blond's face.

In a flash, Naruto ran off in the direction of the river. Sasuke lazily got up, and followed, wondering what his blond idiot was up to

'_Wait…mine? …Since when did he become mine…?'_

The Uchiha's thoughts were soon cut off however, when he saw tan flesh exposed, pristine water droplets trailing over a well toned chest, down…lower…lower…until..

"Oi, teme. Quit staring…you're making me nervous. Jump in, it's cold!" There it was again, that careless idiotic grin.

Shrugging, Sasuke peeled off his clothes while Naruto turned around heading for the little waterfall that adored the small lake/river. Sasuke slowly went into the water, cringing at first when his more _sensitive_ areas hit the cold water. Relaxing his body, he dipped his head under, then came back up for air.

Before he could look around for the Dobe, however, something came up behind him, pushing his head back under.

"Haha! Got ya Sasuke-teme!"

Sasuke swam deeper under the water, and came back up behind the blond. He grabbed Naruto around the waist, pressing his chest against the younger males back. Leaning in, he gently whispered in his ear.

"What comes around, goes around." And just like that, before Naruto had time to react to the voice, gesture, or the pool of heat gathering in his stomach, giving him a strange feel from Sasuke's voice, he was shoved under.

It continued like that, another contest between the two friends. The longer they played, the closer they strayed to the rock formation that had water sliding off of it in rivets. The waterfall was slow enough to stand under, but fast enough to cover ones body.

"Dobe, it's getting late, let's wash and get back to town."

Naruto brightned up at that prospect. Town meant food. Food meant Ramen!  
"Can we get some ramen?!" He asked hopefully as the elder male went under the waterfall to bathe himself.

"Whatever."

Then…Naruto's breath caught. He watched Sasuke, mesmerized at the pale skin, the water droplets trailing down his body. The way he tilted his head back, washing his black tresses of hair. Eyes closed, face…almost peaceful.

'_Beautiful…'_

"You going to stare at me? Or are you going to wash yourself?" Sasuke opened his eyes a crack, smirking his trade mark smirk as the blond's face turned red and he fumed. From embarrassment, or anger, Sasuke couldn't tell.

"Teme!"

The blond went under, and began copying the movements of his teammate.

'I shouldn't be thinking these things…Sasuke's my friend. But…why am I feeling so attracted to him?'

He shivered as he felt a warm breath ghost over his skin.

"Naruto." Another shiver went down his spine, at the way Sasuke had said his name. "I've been calling your name for five minutes…what are you thinking about so hard that you didn't hear me?"

"S-Sasuke!"

The blond turned around and came face to face with the person of his thoughts. Before he had a chance to argue back, he felt a soft, warm sensation on his lips.

He opened his eyes that he didn't noticed had closed only to stare into Sasuke's face, mere inches from his as the male pulled away from the chaste kiss.

"Dobe."

"Teme."

Again, their lips met, sparks flying as they moved naturally against each other, as if their lips were made for it, and every day of their lives they've waited for that one moment.

Naruto mewled softly into Sasuke's mouth as the elder male pushed him up against the rock before grinding his hard-on against his own.

They broke the kiss, breathless, panting.

"Sasuke."

And in another moment, their lips met again. Hungry, yearning. Lips smacking, tongues battling for dominance. Naruto moaned again as Sasuke pulled away, only to latch onto the juncture between his neck and collarbone.

"S-Sasuke!"

He heard a growl emanate from his other.

"Naruto."

He felt a finger, probing his entrance. Gently massaging the skin there, before pushing in. He tensed.

"Shh…Naruto, relax. It'll feel good, don't worry."

"Ngh. It…h-hurts, teme."

"I know, I know, just put up with it for a bit longer" Another finger inserted, followed by another, stretching out his entrance.

Sasuke's lips met with Naruto's once again, soothing, coaxing, easing the pain in his lower body.

Sasuke slowly slipped in, easing his member deeper into his lover, his friend.

Naruto's eyes widened at the intrusion. "Sasuke!"

"Shh…Naruto…relax…"

"T-teme…" Blue orbs closed, squinting, trying to relax his body.

"Kami. Naruto, you're so tight…" The elder leaned against Naruto's body, sucking and leaving marks adorning his tan flesh.

Slowly, very slowly, he started to pump in and out of the male.

"Ahh…S-Sasuke…ngh…"

His pace increased. Each electrified movement pulling a moan from the other. Finding his sweet spot, Sasuke repeatedly thrust against it, soft whimpers and screams emanating from his blond.

Sasuke bent his head up, pulling Naruto into a dominating kiss, before both males tipped over the edge of oblivion. Blue and Black orbs clouded over in estacy before both collapsed against one another on top of the rock.

The waterfall continued, washing away the sweat and cum from their bodies, hiding any evidence of the act occurring.

A whisper broke the silence.

"Sasuke…I'm kinda cold…" Again, that idiotic grin.

'My idiotic grin' he thought possessively.

Sasuke got up, pulling the blond with him.

"Come on Dobe, still thirsty?"

"Yeah!"

As they got dressed and went back into town, Naruto couldn't help but keep blushing at the Ichiraku ramen as he sipped his lemonade and inhaled his ramen.

Sasuke just smirked knowingly.

Naruto silently cursed in his mind.

'_I'll never see lemonade the same way again…stupid Sasuke…'_

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**A/N:** CONGRADULATIONS ON HITTING THE DOUBLE DIGITS KAZENOYOUNI!!

-glomps-

Sorry, if it seemed kinda rushed…I'm supposed to be in bed, it's 22 (10 pm) and I have school tomorrow xD


	3. Zombies and College Don't Mix

**A/N: **Yay! This was a semi-quick update! For me anyways…haha. Well, finals are officially over!! –confetti falls from the air with balloons- :D That means it's summer, I have a job interview Monday! But yeah, other then that I'll be bored….I spent all day yesterday playing an online MMORPG called Tales of Pirates. It's basically the best thing on earth. Not to mention addicting xD I'm Rane197 if you have it and wanna add me :3

Anyways! Moving on to chapter 3, enjoy!

-points up- I started writing this chapter in the beginning of summer…and I just finished it. Ehehe…..-scratches back of head nervously.-

**One Last Note:** I'll start putting at the top what pairings are in the chapter, then you won't be scarred by reading a pairing you don't like :D

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Naruto I'd make an episode where Sakura and Kakashi decide that leaving Naruto and Sasuke alone on a survival mission would be a good idea…forever. I smell yaoi… :3

**Warning:** Yaoi, Slash, Shouta, BL, Boy x Boy pairings and innuendo's (in your endo) are in this story. Don't like it? Then stfu and don't read. KTHXBAI.

**Pairings in this chapter: **Slight GaaSaiNaru, you can see it if you squint.

**Word Count:** 588

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**How To Ninja, 101**

**Chapter 3  
**

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_'Zombies and College Don't Mix'_

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Uzumaki Naruto was currently sitting on his nice, safe, and comfy bed…reading. In college one has little time to read the books one would like, but somehow, he has managed to get a little of that something called…what was it again? Free time? Yes, that. And the book he was reading was The Zombie survival guide, by Max Brooks. Now, anyone who's not a moron knows Naruto's obvious fear of the paranormal and all things scary. So why on earth said boy was currently reading the book and trembling was reason beyond logic.

All of the sudden, the door cracked open. Naruto jumped and screamed like a little gir- made a very surprised manly noise. Gaara came in, not in the least bit surprised at his roommates girly-I mean manly screech.

"What are you doing, Naruto"

"Oh, umm…ehehehe, h-hey G-Gaara." He giggled nervously and looked the other way. "J-just reading."

Gaara walked over, picking up the dropped book, and read the cover. "Zombies?"

"Yeah."

They started blankly at each other before the redhead handed the book back, the door moved again and the poor book was once again dropped on the floor, followed by a girly scre-…manly scream.

A rotting corpse walked through the door, moaning. Needless to say, Uzumaki Naruto screamed like a eight year old girl before running out the door like a manic.

Gaara turned and started at the "Zombie"

Said Zombie put a hand to it's face before peeling away a mask revealing the smiling face of Sai, Gaara and Naruto's other roommate.

"I read in a book that on Halloween one should dress up and scare people to recive candy. Why did Naruto-kun run away."

Gaara just stared at the raven before him, before allowing a small smile to grace his lips. He picked up his book bag before muttering a "got class in 10 minutes" and walking out the door.

Sai stood, confused. "I wonder why Naruto-kun ran away…..maybe his penis shrank."

**A/N: **A little early, yes, but Halloween's coming up. Yay for double updates!


	4. To Conquer Poland

**A/N:**Yay! I'm alive :D Anyways, I thought of this a long time ago, but didn't have time to put it on paper until now, so enjoy!

**Disclaimer:**Saying I own Naruto is like saying Moses knew where he was going. Cuz let's admit it, when you're stuck in a desert for over 5 years, maybe it's time to stop and ask for directions.

**Warning:** Urges to conquer Poland, classical music, and dancing Uchiha's

**Word Count:** 732

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**How To Ninja, 101**

**Chapter 4  
**

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"_To Conquer Poland."_

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Heavy woodwind and brass flooded the small dormitory. The musical sound being carried our of the small bedroom, through the suite style college dorm, and out through the walls and doors to flood the Fire Nation building at Konohagakure University. Die Walküre (The Valkyrie) pumped through the stereo and around the body of a raven, who, at the moment, was acting very OOC.

Sasuke Uchiha bounced around and danced in his room to the German classical piece and three minutes and thirty-seven seconds later, a blond slammed open the opposite bedroom door, and was seen running out of the suite. The raven took no notice of this, nor of their other roommate, another crow, following the blond.

Uzumaki Naruto escaped his "home" and went out and down the hallway, anxious. The crow followed.

"Naruto! Naruto! Stop! Why are you in such a hurry all of the sudden?"

"You wouldn't understand Sai! Sasuke can't listen to that! Not while I'm around!" Flustered, the blond turned around to face his friend, face filled with panic. "I got to get out of here…."

Sai, puzzled, briefly stared at the blond before spouting his common response. "You must have a small penis if you can't stand classical music."

Naruto stared oddly at the boy before yelling back something along the lines of his penis not being small, before fuming out of the Fire Nation dormitories.

Sai followed his friend down to the dormitories next to theirs, Suna. When he finally caught up to his friend, a red head was seen quietly listening to the loud teen.

"-and he should have known! But NO! Did he listen to me? Of course not! He's just blasting that damned music! He didn't even notice us leave! What am I supposed to do Gaara?!"

Gaara stared back quietly, before responding in his silky voice. "Naruto, perhaps we should ask the Uchiha to stop and turn it down for awhile? It can't be as bad as you make it seem…"

Sai chose this point to walk up to the two males, nodding in greeting to the red head before addressing the blond. "Gaara has a point Naruto, I once read in a book that being honest with your friends is the key to promoting a long lasting friendshi-"

"I don't care! You have no idea about my problems with that particular composer!"

"Are you not half German?"

Gaara cut off Naruto before he could respond. "Naruto…how long has Uchiha been listening to that?"

The blond turned to his friend, a slight twitch in his right eye, and locked gazes with the half Irish male.

"Five hours Gaara. FIVE HOURS!! I can't listen to that much Wagner! I get the urge to conquer Poland!!"

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**A/N: **Okay, just a short crappy drabble sort of thing. For those not familiar, Richard Wagner is a German composer that lived in the mid 1800's. he's primarily known for his operas and some of his pieces have made a strong influence on many 20th and 21st century film scores, including such examples as John Williams's music for Star Wars and Howard Shore's soundtracks for Peter Jackson's three Lord of the Rings films. The rock composer Jim Steinman created what he called Wagnerian Rock. The rock subgenre heavy metal is also said by some to show influence of Wagner (as well as other classical composers). In Germany Rammstein and Joachim Witt who has named three of his albums _Bayreuth_, claim inspiration from Wagner's music. Klaus Schulze (German electronic composer and Wagner admirer) dedicated his 1975 album _Timewind_ to Wagner's death (two 30-min tracks, "Bayreuth Return" and "Wahnfried 1883"). He also used the alias Richard Wahnfried for a part of his discography. (taken from Wikipedia.)

R&R, give me some feedback :3


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